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Thought of the Day (12/24/25)

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“Movie Theaters and the Lost Discipline of Focus”

As a kid, I loved looking at movie ads in the newspaper.

It was a big deal.

On Sundays, there would be large (sometimes full page and in color) ads for the biggest spectacles on screen. These ads grabbed attention, provided showtimes, and whetted my appetite for more.

A benefit to growing up in the 70s and 80s was the opportunity to experience life before the full-scale invasion of home theater systems. VCRs were next level for being able to expand film knowledge, but they still didn’t provide the true movie theater experience.

In the streaming age, I’ve found my focus and attention span waning.

I don’t like it.

(t.b.c.)

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Hospital Days (BMT Journals)

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1/17/25

Days of isolation take a toll. Originally, I was supposed to enter the hospital for my “month-long” stay to complete a bone marrow transplant. Unfortunately, I developed a staph infection on Monday, 1/13/25, and had to enter the hospital to get this under control. I expected to be here a few days (which is why expectations should be dashed as much as possible), but I am now looking at leaving here on Sunday. It is very easy to dive into self-pity and depression; the harder route is trying to maintain optimism that was somewhat prevalent until this new obstacle was put in place. It’s easier to stay in bed, an unfocused wreck with lack of creative impulse, than to break out of the mental confines imprisoning me. The harder road is one of breaking through the inner clouds of negativity and reminding myself of the plans I had at the onset of the original diagnosis, which was, “I am going through this so that I can help others who encounter a similar situation in the future. “

Experience is the most valuable form of education.

It should also be shared.

It may not be relevant to everyone, but there is a possibility that it could change, and sometimes even save, someone else’s life.

The mind is a complicated globe of fat. It controls all of life’s choices and reactions. It is in constant battle of indecisiveness, insecurity, and inconsistency.

The mind controls much of the entire being. The correct nourishment and engagement in surrounding environments makes it work at peak level.

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1/29/25

Day “-9”–> ATG (rabbit) Therapy and chemo

8:46 p.m.

So far, not too bad a day!

My chest is sore from getting the port installed yesterday on my right side.

Tracy stayed up here from 8 a.m. until around 6:30 p.m.

We walked 7 laps then I walked the rest of the mile.

9.5 laps around the until equals 1 mile.

My goal is to get at least 1 mile in per day for now.

My nurses were Cici during the day and Cassie at night. The treatment at this hospital is nothing less than excellent.

Tonight, I decided to explore some of the shows and/or movies recommended by my coworkers. Once of them signed me up for a subscription to the Criterion Channel. (Thanks, Matt.)

I decided to start there with a great thriller from 1989 called Dead Calm. It starred Sam Neill, Nicole Kidman, and Billy Zane. It was directed by Philip Noyce.

Noyce also directed two of the Jack Ryan movies that starred Harrison Ford (Patriot Games & Clear and Present Danger). He also directed 1997’s The Saint (with Val Kilmer) as well as two films in 2002: Rabbit Proof Fence (with Kenneth Branagh) and The Quiet American (with Michael Caine). His most recent project was a 2023 movie with Pierce Brosnan called Fast Charlie.

Dead Calm reminds me of the suspense in Cape Fear, but all set on the water and between two different boats.

Kidman and Neill play a married couple who lost their young son in a car wreck. Kidman’s character was drinking and she was struggling with remorse.

The couple take a vacation on their sailboat. They encounter a stranger who had was abandoning his own sinking ship.

Enough on the spoilers. Go watch it and get back with me.

Thursday 1/30/25. (Day “-8” –> ATG therapy part 2)

I met with a bunch of people today. Karen is my case manager support for the hospital. Jessie is a social worker who is going to help follow up with my insurance and/or disability claims.

I was also informed of the following:

  • Occupational and physical therapists will be visiting each day for the next few weeks.
  • Psychologists are available if needed.
  • Spiritual and/or Religious support is available if needed.

I walked 5.5 laps today by 2:55 p.m. I need 4 more laps for my goal of a mile each day.

Considerations for movies to watch on Prime this week:

  • Suspiria* (2018 — *the new one)
  • Tourist Trap (1979)
  • Nefarious (2023)
  • Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
  • The Gate (1987)
  • The Hammer (2007)
  • Life After Beth (2014)

Wednesday, 2/19/25. (Day 12 – “post-transplant”)

It is hard to believe I have been in the hospital for 22 days. So much has happened in these days, both good and bad.

Most of the bad is like a nightmare that I lived through, followed by a complete renewed view on life when I have days where I feel better.

Today, I feel decent.

As usual, I get very impatient, but something has changed from how it used to be. I’ve become more emotional – both happy and sad – and don’t feel as embarrassed as I normally would have been about emotions like this in the past. Maybe I needed all of the to happen to slow me down and give me a new perspective on a life that I was taking for granted.

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BMT (Ch. 1)

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Today is “Day 101”.

This means nothing to most people. In my current world, day 101 means new life has started…again.

101 days ago, I received a bone marrow transplant at University of Kansas hospital.

“BMT” = Bone Marrow Transplant

The transplant itself was actually quite anticlimactic. It was just like any other blood transfusion. It only took about 20 minutes. It was painless.

My physical health before and after the transplant were not so much.

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In late July of 2024, my doctor requested that I get a blood test done at KU Cancer center. This was out of the blue. I was feeling really healthy going into the Summer of 2024. As I was turning 50 in Ocotber, this was not part of my current life plan.

Up to this point, I had been working out and getting in shape. The goal was to be in the best shape in 20+ years. There were no signs of sickness going into the late part of July other than some bruising, which, as a naturally clumsy person, happened frequently.

This bruising was a little different than in the past. For one, it did not go away as quickly as normal. It was also showing up in unusual spots, such as my abdomen and quads. Bruising from standard clumsiness usually appeared on my arms, shoulders, or sides. It really depended on what I ran into during the day.

Regardless, I called the doctor back to ask what the blood testing was in response to. His response: low vitamin B-12.

My initial response? Screw the blood test. I will just up my B-12.

After a second message requesting that I really need to get it checked out, I followed up. In the last few days of July, my blood was drawn and an unexpected journey began.

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I began journaling about this ailment on August 6, 2024. At this point, I am leaving the journal entries unedited. The only exception is if I noticed a glaring grammatical error.

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August 6, 2024 (Journal entry)

I had my 2nd visit to the cancer center today. My CBC/DIFF blood tests show low white blood cells and platelets,

This is a scary moment. It all happened at a horrible time because I just started a new job and now I have to find a way to explain what may be on the horizon.

This coming Friday, I am having a bone marrow biopsy for the first time.

More will be revealed.

The first thought that comes to my mind is something that I heard in the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous some time within the last decade:

If you worry, why pray? If you pray, why worry?

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September 18,2024 (Journal Entry)

Research from Prescription for Nutritional Healing

Diets for anemia and/or blood cancer should include the following:

  • apples
  • apricots
  • asparagus
  • bananas
  • broccoli
  • egg yolks
  • kelp
  • leafy greens
  • okra
  • whole grains
  • parsley
  • peas
  • plums
  • prunes
  • purple grapes
  • raisins
  • rice bran
  • squash
  • turnip greens
  • yams
  • Ingest one tablespoon of blackstrap molasses (2x daily)

OMIT the following:

  • most nuts and beans
  • chocolate (or cocoa)
  • kale
  • rhubarb
  • sorrel
  • spinach
  • swiss chard
  • soda
  • candy
  • dairy
  • coffee and tea

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October 4, 2024 (Journal Entry)

It is my first day out of the hospital. I was in there from September 30 through October 3 for ATGAM therapy. The initial treatment was not as bad as I originally feared. Lots of weird things have been added to my new regiment, including the addition of a picc line in my right arm. The line runs from a spot on the inside of my right bicep and winds its way to above my heart. Nothing seems to be actually holding it in place inside my body, which is very weird to me.

All of a sudden, I feel like a walking compound pharmacy. I never thought I would require a medical regiment at this age. I figured I would deal with this stuff when I was much older.

I just hope this all works. I hate putting others through this. However, if I successfully make it through this process, which I currently feel 83% optimistic, I can help others later. I enjoy helping others.

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October 4, 2024 (Questions for Doctor)

  1. Do I need to have caps for my picc lines? I was told I should have them at the hospital. Then, I was informed that I didn’t need them at the clinic lab. I feel safer with the on.
    • Hospitals are extra cautious due to the possible infections from other patients and visitors.
  2. How do I alleviate my hoarseness from the medication?
    • Rinse with saline and use “magic mouthwash” (numbs pain).
    • Both side effects are from the Cyclosporine (immunosuppressant).
  3. Are THC/CBD edibles ok to for nausea and/or pain?
    • It is not suggested because THC/CBD may interfere with prescriptions. It may also interfere with platelet regeneration.
    • Absolutely NO smoking. Lungs are extremely sensitive at this time.
  4. Are there clinical trials available if this first procedure (ATG therapy) does not work?
    • At this time, there is not an active clinical trial for Aplastic Anemia. However, there are some major improvements in treatment coming soon. They are still waiting on FDA approval.
  5. Do I have any stems cells available to use for this procedure?
    • Based on the lack of marrow from both biopsies, there is not enough stem cell production in my own bones.

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October 8, 2024 (Journal Entry)

To do: Labs at 7:15 a.m. followed by meeting with Dr. Singh at 8:15 a.m

The drive is getting easier, but I hate putting the mileage on my car. At least I can write a lot of this off in the end.

Yesterday was the most uneventful of all birthdays. A person’s 50th birthday is usually a big deal. Due to medical difficulties, it looks like the celebration shall be postponed until October 7, 2026.

I planned on going to a morning movie, but was worn out after our park walk in the morning. I stayed in bed on and off for around 6 hours. This is normally unheard of for an overly active person who prefers living life. I knew this would be a problem, but once I am in the midst of no immune system, I should follow basic suggestions to keep myself afloat.

Today, I will attempt to see a movie in a uncrowded theater if I am not stuck in the clinic all day.

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October 8, 2024 (Questions for Doctor)

  1. The “magic mouthwash” works for about 2 hours. A refill will be needed to make eating tolerable. It is not very effective with my hoarseness.
    • Continue to gargle with saline in between use of “magic mouthwash”
  2. Blood pressure has been running high. My weight has increased by 20 pounds in under 2 weeks. My urine is very concentrated regardless of my liquid consumption.
    • These are all side effects from 100 mg prednisone prescription. It is mostly water weight. It will dissipate over the next month.
  3. With upcoming ATGAM treatment, I will need a letter sent to employer to have the next two weeks off of work.

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October 9, 2024 (Notes and Reflections)

  • Labs need to be rescheduled for work-appropriate times.
    • 7 a.m. Friday 10/11
    • 7 a.m. on Tuesday 10/15
    • 11 a.m. on Friday 10/18
  • I asked schedule to keep lab times at 7 a.m. or 7:30 a.m. during the week
    • If I have to take a full day off for any of these appointments, look into early double features at theater (The Substance and /or new Terrifier movie?)

I feel better than expected today. The walk was nice and I didn’t feel the need to stop and catch my breath as much as Monday.

I felt like I accomplished work that I needed to catch up on. I have a good support system in place. I feel optimistic. I am not fearful of much at the moment. I am behind on the “healthiest I’ve been since my 20s” goal, but that will come back like a rubber band.

Fight. Fight. Fight.

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October 15, 2024 (Daily reflection)

One of the nurses at the clinic (Makenna) shared a personal connection to my Aplastic Anemia diagnosis. It gave me hope.

Her dad was diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia at the age of 60. This was approximately one year ago. At the time, she did not know what much about the diagnosis.

He received the ATG treatment and has been in remission for the past 6 months. At first, the treatment looked like it was going to be unsuccessful when they did his 3-month labs. About a month before the doctors were set to administer at bone marrow transplant on him, the numbers miraculously began to look better.

Thank you for the story of hope, Makenna.

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October 17, 2024

Morning labs had to be drawn manually (i.e. not through my picc line) due to a Cyclosporine level check.

Bryan (the lab guy) did such a great job with the needle.

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What I Watched: for Your Eyes Only(1981)

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Movie: For Your Eyes Only

Released in 1981

Directed by John Glen

  • This was Glen’s first feature film. Up to this point, Glen’s was an editor clear back to 1961.

Starring: Roger Moore, Carole Bouquet, Michael Gothard, and Topol

Plot:

The movie begins with Blofeld randomly showing up to kill Bond. His character hasn’t been in a Bond film since 1971’s Diamonds are Forever. Blofelt has remote control of a helicopter that Bond has boarded. This was not the Donald Pleasance version of Blofelt; we never see the character’s face. Blofeld’s voice is also very different; it was provided by Robert Rietty. There was really no need for Blofeld to even be in this movie. It was a ridiculously funny opening that set the stage for all Bond opening scenes of the 1980s.

Then, the opening credits.

If you are a Bond fan, you understand the layout of the “Bond opening credits” land. As a young kid, these were magical. Frequent instances of nudity hidden within colors, shadows, and other forms of visual manipulation provided a creative imagination with just enough to work with. There was probably more to work with in these opening credits than the attempts to see nudity through scrambled Cinemax back in those days.

If you know, you know. If you don’t know, then you really missed out.

There are a handful of GREAT Bond theme songs. This is one of those songs. Sheena Easton‘s career continued much longer than it would have, thanks to this song.

Bond’s mission in this film is to find out who or what has compromised the Automatic Target and Attack Communicator (ATAC). An old bomb (a mine) was pulled into a fishing net and blows the ship up. When an investigator was put on the case, he was killed on his yacht. This man’s daughter (Melina) survived to witness her father’s death and eventually seek to avenge his murder. The character, Locque, sent murder orders.

Roger Moore must have loved snow skiing. A few of his Bond films present Bond in a skiing predicament. In each of his ski sequences, Bond does not casually choose to ski for sport. He is usually forced into skiing to either get away from a villain or to complete a mission. This particular ski sequence is very entertaining. It includes Bond skiing down a bobsled course during an actual bobsledding competition. His mad ski skills are also demonstrated with a jump involving 1 and 1/2 poles.

The signature Bond female conquest continues in a slightly more restrained way than Bond of the past. His main conquest is Melina (played by Carole Bouquet). Melina is the grown up daughter of the investigator who was killed on his yacht. Melina is a badass with a crossbow and is not afraid to kill a bad guy. He is on Locque’s trail and happens to partner with Bond by coincidence.

Bond is also presented an opportunity to nail Bibi (played by Lynn-Holly Johnson), a figure skater who Bond has promised to escort to an upcoming decathalon. Bibi is presented as an innocent 18-21 year old niece of Bond’s friend. However, she wastes no time getting naked and waiting for Bond in his own bed. He politely (surprisingly) turns her down because, he says, “What would your uncle think?” (Side note: Lynn-Holly Johnson was a HORRIBLE actress in this movie. Laughably bad.)

Brief review:

As director and editor do a really horrible job of “disguising” Moore’s stunt double in many scenes. It is actually comical at times. It was very obvious that Roger Moore was not driving and/or battling other characters. It was funny to see a career editor miss so many obvious stunt double gaffes, but new duties as “director” probably added plenty of new stresses. I have to remind myself that editing was much more labor intensive before digital editing. It took time, great eyesight, patience, and sharp scissors.

And, by the sounds of the early 80s disco score towards the beginning of the movie, one has to wonder about late nights fueled by caffeine, nicotine, and a whole lot of cocaine.

The action sequences are more far-fetched, yet lackluster, than some of the other films in the Roger Moore era. If anything, they are unintentionally hilarious at times. At one point, Bond is chased by motor cycles and a dune buggy, as well as his helicopter fiasco at the beginning of the film.

In one scene, Bond happens to meet Bibi at her skating practice, only to be accosted by a murderous ice hockey team directly after practice ended. Bond has no skates, but is able to stave off the stave off the players. The score board happens to be on and keeping score when each player is thrown into the goal. Bond even runs over one of the players with a Zamboni machine.

With plenty of humor and action, the movie is fun.

Why I chose this film

I chose this film because I was on a Roger Moore (Bond) kick. Reviews of Moonraker and Octopussy will follow shortly.

Like or Dislike the Film:

Like. It was a perfect start to Roger Moore’s “80s Bond” era.