Partial Review: The Tiger – John Vaillant

What a painful disappointment of a book, somehow simultaneously painfully uninterested in its own ostensible subject matter and yet still breathlessly self-absorbed in its own floridity. Much more fluent when describing the socioeconomic background of the persons involved in the situation than in talking about the investigation into and hunt of a maneating tiger when there are written reports, eyewitness testimonies, and video footage existent–dude, that’s half of the book written for you, you just have to transcribe it–it still finds nothing more to say about Russia that we didn’t already know. IE, it’s cold, bleak, and hopeless. What it has to say about the titular investigation and hunt of the maneating tiger referenced in the very title of the book is precious little–I’d say about 2 paragraphs per chapter, which are then promptly abandoned for lengthy socioeconomic or historical digressions which should serve to advance a nuanced understanding of the history of human settlements in the area, their competition with, and conservation efforts of tigers but end up very much not doing so because the author keeps serially digressing and redigressing with much more enthusiasm about everything and anything other than the investigation into and hunt of a maneating tiger.

DAMN.

Or spoken: 3/3

“Oh you cut your hair!….it looks great!”
“Haha, thank you.”

“HIIII! OH MY GOSH YOUR HAIR IS GONE! I LOVE IT!”
“….well I mean some of it is still here, haha, thanks. How are you doing today?”

“Well hello! How are you?”
“Hey! I’m good, how’ve you been doing?”
“If I’d known you were coming I’d’ve washed my hair this morning.”
“….”

Or Spoken….repeatedly.

“Where is your hair?”
“Oh, I cut it off.”
“Oh [sad face] it was so long.”
“Well, yeah, but it’s soooo much faster getting ready in the mornings, I do this and it’s done. It’s awesome! :D”

“Woah. You cut your hair….Sorry, I’m gonna have to get used to it. You look nice!”
“Hahaheh, thanks!”

“What did your husband say about it?”
“He said he loves me for my personality. And my money.”

“I see you cut your hair.”
“Yep.”
“It does look a little bit different on her, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, she went from super long to super short. And not only long but she used to do all sorts of pigtails with it and everything.”
“Mm.”
“I bet it takes you less time to get ready in the mornings, though.”
“Yep.”

“Oh! You cut your hair! I thought you just had it up! Noooo! Why’d you do that?”
“That is the reaction I keep having when I see her, haha.”

“Riders, when I saw you on the road the other day did I see correctly that you have very short hair now?”

“Hello! Riders, what happened to your hair?”
“I had cancer.”
“WHA…oh.”

….thoughts…

– Not allowed to flip off customers if I recognize their car on the road.

– Not allowed to flip off customers’ facilities as I drive past them.

– Not allowed to flip off state troopers.

– Even if I am already driving the speed limit.

– Sadly, no one else is interested in your pivot table.

– It’s a really cool table, though, it has slicers and everything.

– No species of cosplay may be combined with workwear.

– The above rule does specifically apply to: The Matrix-type sunglasses, Hellsing-type sunglasses, and any kind of broad-brimmed hat.

– Time spent sitting in a Walmart parking lot, contemplating life choices, does not count as work time.