- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: B-But I wouldn't know the first thing about publishing filth.
- Shrader: You're young, you can learn!
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- Atty. Gen. Frederick Snow: Abner Peacock, if you love your country, you'll publish a filthy magazine.
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- Atty. Gen. Frederick Snow: I have another duty. A higher duty to perform. And that is to protect you, your children, the very morality of our great nation - from the smut and moral corruption spewed forth like garbage from the lecherous, vile, lewd and licentious mind of *this* filthy little degenerate! Look at his face! It is the face of a smut monger. Look at his body - thin, wasted away by the dissipation and debauchery of a life of unspeakable orgies and depravity. What's the matter, dirty Abner? Trying to hide from the truth?
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- Darrell Evans Hughes: This is a dirty case, and a dirty little man. It is with disgust to the point of nausea that I find myself sitting next to this filthy little degenerate. But when I see this filthy little degenerate's constitutional rights being threatened, then I must take this filthy little degenerate into my arms, clasp him to my breast, and fight for this filthy little degenerate's constitutional rights and liberty with my very life!
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- Joe Merkel: Let's not kid ourselves, Lisa. We'll be the laugh of the century after the headlines come out: Abner Peacock - Leader of the Sex Revolution is a Virgin.
- Osborn Tremaine: A virgin?
- Evelyn Tremaine: That's the dirtiest thing I ever heard in my life!
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- Osborn Tremaine: If I am guilty of anything, Your Honor, it is of being a lover of grace and beauty.
- Judge Jeremiah Claypool: Grace and beauty? If your idea of grace and beauty is this coarse, over-developed, caricature of a woman...
- Osborn Tremaine: Your Honor! You're speaking about my wife!
- Judge Jeremiah Claypool: Your wife?
- [looks at the cover of "NUDE & Naughty" magazine]
- Judge Jeremiah Claypool: Well, that is Evelyn, isn't it.
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- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: And while Peacock's magazine may be gone, it's spirit will - will live on in the song of Bobolink and the peep of the Tufted Titmouse...
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- Osborn Tremaine: Did you hear that mother? Did you see the one in there where she's in the hammock with her legs up?
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- Atty. Gen. Frederick Snow: [on the TV] This is the smut Peacock has been spewing into the minds and homes of America. This dirt. This obscenity. This filth.
- Evelyn Tremaine: [watching her magazine photo shoots on display on the TV] This is the most beautiful moment of my life.
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- Atty. Gen. Frederick Snow: [on the TV] The truth is, Abner Peacock is not fighting for great principals. He is fighting for the privilege of dirtying America - with Smut like this!
- [displays a copy of "Peacock's Magazine" with Evelyn on her knees, mouth open, clutching her breast, wearing black lingerie, camera moves in for close up]
- Atty. Gen. Frederick Snow: And this. More of his revolting nudity. Disgusting, isn't it. How do you like this? And this?
- Evelyn Tremaine: [on the phone] Yes! Isn't it wonderful! Me on television! Everybody I knows been calling.
- Osborn Tremaine: [rushes in] Hurry up! They're showing the one of you and Armando in the hammock!
- Evelyn Tremaine: Oh, I'll call you right back mother.
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- Darrell Evans Hughes: Abner Peacock, slandered, pre-judged, penniless, is fighting for his life. *But*, he is also fighting for the rights of every liberty-loving American who cherishes his freedom of speech. Is Abner Peacock fighting alone?
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- Atty. Gen. Frederick Snow: You see, he says he's innocent and he does *look* innocent - until you look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed by *sex*. Eyes that mock our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone day. They're the eyes of a man whose lust knows no bounds - who lives but for corrupting others to a life of carnal pleasures and lewd designs. A man whose erotic desires and libertine practices are used to titillate the unsuspecting, who regards women as his playthings, and would stoop to any depths to satisfy his pornographic tastes. A Marquis de Sade would have regarded Abner Peacock as a *peer* in his search for lechery. We can have a clean America, but *only* when we remove this sex-ridden smut peddler from the society he is bent upon destroying.
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- Osborn Tremaine: Miss LaMonica, perhaps you've heard of me: Osborn Tremaine.
- Lisa LaMonica: I just had the office cleaned.
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- Lisa LaMonica: You want me to put out a dirty, pornographic magazine?
- Osborn Tremaine: That's right.
- J. Charles Twilight: But, it's gotta have: class.
- Lisa LaMonica: Class.
- Osborn Tremaine: And sex!
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- Lisa LaMonica: That's our story! After 200 years of sexual frustration that began when the first Puritan stepped off the Mayflower, this country is exploding in a *sex* revolution. And Abner Peacock is the flag bearer.
- Craig Frazier: That little pipsqueak?
- Lisa LaMonica: It isn't what he is, it's what the public *thinks* he is. The great emancipator whose gonna take them by the hand and dance naked in the moonlight. I saw the look on those women!
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- Lisa LaMonica: J. Charles Twilight. That's very elegant. I somehow prefer your maiden name: Ice Pick Charlie.
- [two hoods approach Lisa]
- J. Charles Twilight: Freeze.
- [two hoods stop, back up]
- J. Charles Twilight: I like what I see. Guts! Miss LaMonica, I'm takin' over publication of a magazine. You're gonna put it out for me.
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- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Erica Lane.
- Lisa LaMonica: We're using her on the cover of our first issue. Nude, of course.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Nude! Nude?
- Lisa LaMonica: Of course!
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- Rose Ellen Wilkerson: Abner is a clean, decent human being.
- Darrell Evans Hughes: Just when our country needs a dirty little degenerate, we're stuck with a clean and decent human being.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Abner Peacock: on the front pages, on television, mobbed, idolized, Mr. Sex. The new Love God!
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- Lisa LaMonica: It'll have sex - but, written by the most famous authors. And we'll give them naked women - but, the most famous bodies in the world photographed by the greatest photographers. Oh, boys, this isn't gonna be something that people just buy and hide underneath their coat. This is gonna be a status symbol for swingers!
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- Lisa LaMonica: Without Abner Peacock, we've got nothing. Why, he's the gimmick. He's the image. Well, he's the greatest built-in sex promotion since Valentino!
- Osborn Tremaine: That snook?
- Lisa LaMonica: Whatever he is, right now he's the answer to frustrated America's most wicked dreams.
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- Lisa LaMonica: I know all about you, Abner Peacock. What every woman in that courtroom knows, what every woman who saw you on television knows. Now, let's not play games, Mr. Peacock.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: What are you talking about?
- Lisa LaMonica: You know very well what I'm talking about. The fact that you possess a *fantastic* sexual magnetism. A *sexual* attraction that has stirred the women of this country like nothing before. A sexual excitement that even I - ! Even I...
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Uh, Miss LaMonica...
- Lisa LaMonica: Are you happy, Abner Peacock? You made me say it. You have the satisfaction of watching a hard boiled Lisa LaMonica panting like some *hot* breath teenager! Is your male vanity appeased? Or, are you cruel enough to make me say it again?
- [presses her body next to Abner's]
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- Lisa LaMonica: The "Peacock" magazine is going to be clean. You and I are gonna take sex where it belongs. Out in the open! Yes? The "Peacock" magazine is going to be a sex magazine - but, clean sex. Purified by frankness and open discussion. Abner, American men and women are begging for someone to break the chain's of their Puritanical heritage. To *free* them of their sexual frustrations. They're crying to us, Abner. Let us take up the gauntlet.
- [grabs Abner's hands, holds them close to her breasts]
- Lisa LaMonica: Together let us create a great new magazine.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Abner, you're the whole ball of wax! The public will only accept the fact that the "Peacock" is the world's number one swinging magazine if they believe that the man behind it is the world's number one swinger. You: Abner Peacock.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Oh, me, a swinger?
- [chuckles]
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Miss LaMonica, I - I never swung.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Mr. Peacock, can you think of a stitch of anything that Miss Erica Lane could possibly wear that would be more beautiful than what it's covering?
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Than what it's covering? Well - eh, no.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Abner, sit down. I think we should have a talk - man to man. Mr. Peacock, as a modern, sophisticated editor, you must know from your own experience that sex, uninhibited - frank and open - is one of nature's greatest joys.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Abner Peacock, are you or are you not going to lead America out of the darkness of it's Victorian sex life? *Yes* or *no*?
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- Lisa LaMonica: Oh, these are your world famous Peacock Pussycats.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: My, eh, pussycats?
- Lisa LaMonica: Yes, they'll be with you wherever you go, 24 hours a day. Sherry, Delilah, Toma, and Ingrid.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: [waves] Hey.
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- Osborn Tremaine: What is this nonsense about Evelyn not being on the cover of our first issue?
- Lisa LaMonica: Osborn, we'll discuss that later.
- Osborn Tremaine: There's nothing to discuss!
- [to Evelyn]
- Osborn Tremaine: Get into your garter belt, mother. You're going to be on that cover.
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- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Miss LaMonica, this whole business is pretty silly about me, eh, being a...
- Lisa LaMonica: Sex symbol?
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: I mean, I - I'm just an ordinary guy who has a - well - a certain amount of - but, I still consider myself a decent, eh...
- [Lisa slowly walks towards Abner]
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Miss LaMonica? Eh, Miss LaMonica...
- [Lisa aggressively kisses Abner]
- Lisa LaMonica: Promise me you'll never let me do that again.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Well, I...
- Lisa LaMonica: Promise me that! Promise me, if I even so much as touch you, you'll hit me, slap me, anything to stop me!
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: I prom...
- Lisa LaMonica: In the name of heaven, don't let me destroy the independence that I worked so hard to achieve all of my life. Just because for the first time in my life I've met the only man who... Promise me! Promise me!
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- Lisa LaMonica: Now, onto your penthouse.
- [walks in with Abner]
- Lisa LaMonica: We haven't had much time. We're still putting it all together.
- [Abner observes the red walls, paintings of nude women, sculptures of nude couples embracing]
- Lisa LaMonica: We're going to keep your pussy cats in there.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: My, eh, eh, pussy cats?
- Lisa LaMonica: It's all very obvious, of course. But, then when you're trying to personify blatant sex, it usually is.
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Oh, how true.
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- Joe Merkel: I hope you didn't overdo it. The country may not be ready for a sex symbol like Abner Peacock.
- Lisa LaMonica: I'll make it ready.
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- Lisa LaMonica: [slaps Charlie] Charlie, you sneak up behind me and try to do that again and so help me I'll...
- J. Charles Twilight: Lisa, you don't understand. I'm not making any cheap passes. I'm on the level with you. This is legitimate! I want you to be my - mistress.
- Lisa LaMonica: Oh, for heaven's sake, the last thing I need right now is a man.
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- Singer with The Blossoms: [singer] Mr. Peacock, Mr. Peacock, No one else could be so groovy, You're not shy tonight, You're so outta sight, Love was such a bore, Until you unlocked the door...
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- Lisa LaMonica: That does it. She's fired.
- Joe Merkel: She was just whispering in his ear.
- Lisa LaMonica: She was nuzzling his ear. They're under orders never to touch him. She's fired!
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- Lisa LaMonica: That settles it! This business of all of them living up there with him, that is out!
- Joe Merkel: What are you Lisa? His Den Mother?
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- Lisa LaMonica: I could spend the rest of my life in this rat race and never run into another one like him. And why not? I'll tell you why not. I'm an all-the-way kind of woman. Its either a man or a career.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Who the hell knows what they've been doing up there every night.
- Joe Merkel: I know. He's been teaching them bird calls.
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- Lisa LaMonica: I know what he is. He's a little nobody! The kind my grandmother always warned me against. While your busy fighting off all those big sexy brutes, it's always the little nobodies who slip right in and nail you, every time.
- Joe Merkel: He's not for you Lisa.
- Lisa LaMonica: Well, of course he isn't for me! He's just a little insignificant small town square - the kind my mother was lucky enough to marry.
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- Lisa LaMonica: Where the hell have you been?
- Joe Merkel: Where I am everyday, hiring new Pussycats to replace the ones you keep firing.
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- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: There's something about me that you don't know. What I mean is, I'm cursed with an abnormal sexual magnetism for women.
- Rose Ellen Wilkerson: You?
- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: It's fact, Rose Ellen. I biological fact. And I got to face that.
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- J. Charles Twilight: Him and not me?
- [slaps Lisa and pushes her to the ground]
- Lisa LaMonica: Charlie, let me explain.
- J. Charles Twilight: Shut up! Okay, you're a normal broad. If there's anybody you want, it's going to be *me*. Not me or him. Because if there's going to be a me or a him, one word to the boys, there will be no more of him.
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- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: You should have stopped me.
- Lisa LaMonica: Oh, no. Oh, no, I - I never knew such heaven could exist.
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- Abner Audubon Peacock IV: Mrs. Tremaine, bird lover? Well, then, you must know that - well, I don't mean to brag or anything - but, you gotta be pretty good on your mating calls to get the birds to come close enough to you to get the really great pictures. You know, they come flyin' right in there toward you expecting - well, you know - and then instead: snap!
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