The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Steven Mackintosh: Fred

Quotes 

• Ebenezer Scrooge : I do not make merry myself for Christmas.

  Fred : That is certainly true.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : And I cannot afford to make idle people merry.

  Fred : That is certainly *not* true!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Don't you have other things to do this afternoon, my dear nephew?

  Fred : Sadly, I do, Uncle. So I shall make my donation and, uh, leave you to make yours.

• Ebenezer Scrooge : What right have you to be merry? You're poor enough.

  Fred : What right have you to be dismal? You're rich enough.

  Rizzo the Rat : He's got 'im there. The old boy's speechless!

  Ebenezer Scrooge : If I could work my will, every idiot who goes around with "Merry Christmas" on his lips would be cooked with his own turkey and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!

  Rizzo the Rat : Well, not quite speechless.

• Fred : [playing a guessing game with Clara and their friends]  Oh, dear, it's too wonderful.

  Clara : Wait, wait. I know. An unwanted creature, but not a rat, a leech, or a cockroach?

  [their friends ask "Then what?"] 

  Ebenezer Scrooge : What?

  Clara : It's Ebenezer Scrooge!

  Fred : Yes!

• Fred : A merry Christmas, Uncle Scrooge. God save you.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Merry Christmas? Bah. Humbug!

  Rizzo the Rat : [having freed himself from the snow]  Quick, it'll be warmer in there.

  [he and Gonzo get in just as Fred shuts the door] 

  Fred : Christmas a humbug, Uncle? Oh, you don't mean that, surely.

  Rizzo the Rat : Hoo. Actually, I think it's colder in here.

• Gonzo : At that moment, who should arrive at the door but Scrooge's nephew Fred. His only living relative.

  Rizzo the Rat : Nephew Fred? I don't see him.

  Gonzo : Trust me.

  Rizzo the Rat : Hmm.

  Fred : [knocking on the door]  Hello? Uncle?

  Gonzo : Rizzo?

  Rizzo the Rat : [headfirst in a patch of snow, his feet waggling in the air]  You're very good at that, Mr. Dickens.

• Ebenezer Scrooge : Nephew, you keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine.

  Fred : Christmas is a loving, honest, and charitable time. And though it's never put a scrap of silver or gold in my pocket, I believe Christmas has done me good and will do me good, and I say God bless it.

  [the bookkeepers all cheer] 

  Ebenezer Scrooge : And how does one celebrate Christmas on the *UNEMPLOYMENT LINE*?

• Fred : Uncle, come and have Christmas dinner with me and Clara tomorrow.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Why ever did you get married?

  Fred : Why? Because I fell in love.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : [laughing]  That's the only thing in the world sillier than a merry Christmas.

  Fred : It's no use, Uncle. I shall keep my Christmas humor to the last. A merry Christmas to you. And a happy new year.

  Kermit the Frog : Merry Christmas, Fred.

  Fred : Merry Christmas, Bob.

  Ebenezer Scrooge : Humbug!