Treat Williams credited as playing...
Dr. Andrew ''Andy'' Brown
- Delia: I don't think I'm going to be a brain surgeon when I grow up.
- Doctor Brown: No? Why not?
- Delia: Well, for one thing, you have to wake up early. Even on Saturday.
- Doctor Brown: Yeah, that can be a drawback.
- Delia: And because I'm probably going to be a tap dancer.
- Doctor Brown: I thought you were going to be a fireman.
- Delia: I'm going to do that, too. During the day.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, excellent choice, Delia.
- Ephram: Don't let her watch it.
- Delia: Be quiet.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Am I missing something?
- Ephram: Eight years of raising her. She can't watch that movie, it upsets her.
- Delia: It does not.
- Ephram: Well, that is if you don't count the screaming and nights on my floor.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Delia?
- Delia: Well, it used to scare me, but it doesn't anymore.
- Ephram: Ah, that's what she always says. Like a junkie begging for more smack.
- Delia: I'm not a junkie, you're a junkie.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Nobody's a junkie in this house.
- Dr. Harold Abbott: My daughter is dating a paroled addict.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: My 16 year-old son is dating his 20 year old baby sitter.
- Dr. Harold Abbott: Barkeep, two more.
- [about Colin]
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Are you two friends now?
- Ephram: Kinda. Turns out we have some stuff in common.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: You mean Amy?
- Ephram: Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Amy.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: So why don't you go sit with him?
- Ephram: Because of Amy.
- Andy: You haven't even touched your... millet pilaf, at least try it.
- Delia: I don't want to.
- Andy: Delia, this is not a request.
- Delia: It tastes like shit.
- Andy: What did you just say?
- Delia: I said... it tastes... like shit.
- [Ephram starts laughing]
- Andy: All right, that's it. You go to your room right now. Ephram, stop laughing.
- Ephram: [still laughing] I'm trying.
- Andy: All right, you go to your room too. Everyone, go to their room this instant.
- Linda: I actually don't have a room here.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: The thing is, I promised Delia I wouldn't go out with her.
- Edna: You also promised Delia a horse. I don't see Mr. Ed galloping around here.
- [shows Ephram his new car]
- Dr. Andrew Brown: There she blows!
- Delia: You can say that again.
- Ephram: Emphasis on blows.
- Doctor Brown: Isn't he supposed to be dead?
- Edna Harper: Yeah, I thought that was a little weird, too.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Do me a favor, you know how you normally behave?
- Ephram: Distant and miserable?
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Yeah. Do the opposite.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: You know, when your mother died, a thousand people said a thousand stupid things to me and I just wanted one of them to give me a reason not to die.
- [to Ephram]
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Now, if you choose not to respond to my parental authority, I should warn you, I have mind altering drugs in the other room and I'm not afraid to use them.
- Doctor Brown: Are you dilated yet?
- Rev. Tom Keyes: I'm not sure, but everything has a rainbow halo around it. You look like Jesus.
- Doctor Brown: I get that a lot.
- [Re: All the marijuana growing in Irma's greenhouse]
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Somewhere, Jerry Garcia is weeping.
- Rose: I just don't know what Irma was doing with all this marijuana.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Well, I can certainly guess what she was doing with some of it.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: How are things with you and Amy?
- Ephram: I don't know, we haven't been talking that much.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Oh, yeah... when did this happen?
- Ephram: A while ago, you were too busy being clueless.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Oh. What happened? Did you kiss her?
- [Ephram looks at Andy in awe]
- Dr. Andrew Brown: I'm not THAT clueless.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Did you two find God nicely?
- Delia: Yep.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Where was He?
- Delia: In the gas tank.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: I knew it.
- Dr. Andrew Brown: So how's the Amy situation working out?
- Ephram: What Amy situation?
- Dr. Andrew Brown: Ohh... that good huh?
- Ephram: Oh it's fantastic. I'm a really important friend.