John Alderton credited as playing...
- [discussing the calendar]
- Chris: It *should* be bloody George Clooney. I mean, come the toss between Burnsall Church and George Clooney, I know which I'd rather wake up looking at.
- John: It is a Norman church, you know.
- Chris: I'm not disputing the loveliness of the church, John. It's the firmness of the buttocks I'm worried about.
- John: Tell you what. If you want me to speak at the WI you'd better get it in quick.
- John: Don't you go buying any benches.
- Annie: I'll do what the hell I like John Clarke.
- John: If you put a bench out here, it'll have "Leeds stuffed Arsenal" on it before you get back to the car.
- John: I'll model for you for nowt.
- Chris: No thanks John. I've just seen your backside and believe me, it's nothing like George's.
- Chris: Are you throwing my cake? That is disrespectful!
- John: It's very good.
- Chris: Course it's good. They don't give the May Wilkinson out lightly you know.
- John: One seed in each pot, you're bloody useless you are.
