godinamachine

HEY EVERYBODY ITS ME (4) and today we review ....my last diagnosis ....THE MOVIE !!!

Dont cha just hate when you get crabs ? ... well maybe not in this case ... SO here we have ...WOW the definition of a B-film ....this almost seems like one of the many drug fueled animals films that have been coming out lately since COCAINE BEAR you say ? .... well this predates that movie by a whole year ? ... yea so who ripped off who mr.bear ? ... now this here crabs from space eating the mountains of snow ....is ...low budget for sure ...so low in fact i have a feeling they literally found some plastic crabs at the local thrift shop and said " you know what ... i can make a movie out of that" .. BAM ...here we all are ... and i can respect that... (thats literally how my "season of the witch was born lol)

SO lets get to it shall we ? ... the story is loose ...just randomly tossed together enough to make something make sense .....the acting is terrible ....the FX are - PLASTIC CRABS ..and some REALLY bad green screen ....its out of focus sometimes (i know how that goes for sure lol)... this movie is great ... it KNOWS what it is and doesnt try to be anything else ....and THAT makes a good movie ... the biggest problem indie films make is trying to be a million dollar film when they are a 100 dollar film ... BE funny ...BE rough around the edges ....BE yourself ... and own it .... this movie has fun, it is fun , its silly (obviously) ...i give mad respect to these people, everyone involved did a great job , its not easy making this stuff happen so you all get a gold star ....

7/10

the colors are nice by the way ... sound is good ...

HEY EVERBODY ITS ME (4) and today we review ..... the deadly spawn 2: metamorphosis....the movie !!!!

Thats right .... deadly spawn 2 ??? What you never saw the deadly spawn #1 ???? Well then your missing out GO WATCH IT !!!

So this being the sequel has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FIRST FILM ..... but one of the guys that wrote on the first one thought HEY the first movie ...sort of did something .... so lets make another movie .... but this time have it be completely different ....and have the only thing to be the same is something from space ? Sure why not ... BUT they kind of just decided meh this is what it is and its not the deadly spawn so "Metamorphosis The Alien Factor"...

so how was THIS film ? .... awesome ... yet again another prime example of a creature feature (probably my favorite genre of films) .... just ending the era of 80s monster flicks and starting the 90s off right ....though it seems the 90s lost its flair for creature feature / monster films sadly ....but this was a solid way to go out 80s ...good job ....

the monster in this one .... perfect, thank vincent guastini for that one ...hes done a TON of FX over the years on about every films youve seen ...a mix up between stop motion animation (also something we see vanish in the 90s) and live action animatronics/puppetry .... the giant ...p3n1s monster.... OH COME ON THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS !!!! ...terrorizes a research facility thanks to a "oops" that tended to happen pretty much constantly throughout the 80s at radioactive stations ...or toxic waste dump etc .... just standard stuff back then... this time alien DNA being played around with by humans of course ..... making little mutant hybrids .... and uh oh ...someone gets bit ... and uh oh ....someone mutates into a giant erect ....monster ...shaped like a .... standing up hotdog wearing a turtleneck sweater .... IT DOES !!!! ...

so acting in this one ... as usual decent enough for a b movie .... fun silly cheesy plot with people making dumb decisions that are obviously bad ....the pacing is great ... the lighting is good ... the SFX are solid .... pretty much everything you want from an 80/90s monster movie ..

9/10 .....

HEY EVERYBODY ITS ME (4) ....and today we review .... celery dweller .... THE MOVIE ! ...

SO despite you thinking this will be about produce ....its not ... its yet another 80s film with good ol jeffery combs in it with his trust necronomicon in hand stirring up some evil of course .... this is a classic "creature feature" flick ....its cheesy , its fun its got boobs and a giant monster ..so the 80s in a nut shell ... written by (get this) don mancini WHAT? Yea ... looks like before chucky came along .... this could have been his big franchise .... thankfully not though because this giant ...monkey ...bear ... cat ? ... isnt as funny to watch

directed by john carl buechler .... the guy behind SFX in SO many horror/monster films including this one ...AND ghoulies ...YEA so you might notice when i say ....monkey..bear cat monster looking .... this creature REALLY looks a ton like the ghoulies did .... and thats not a bad thing .... this guy reminds me of if you took the cat and the green ghoulie mashed them together and made them huge .... and its kind of awesome .... to me this is like an unofficial ghoulie film (better than #4 lets be honest, anythings better than 4) ...

SO how is THIS film though ? ... nostalgia aside .... its be acted pretty well .. what you would expect from something like a tales from the crypt episode the lighting and over al look/feel of the set ALSO will probably make you expect the crypt keeper to pop out and say some stupid dad joke ...maybe as bad as celery dweller ...yea ....BUT from the 80s , its solid, at the time its was great, ..... it puts you back to a fun-er time of movies , practical FX and cheesy acting so yea its great .... the monster is pretty good over all .... not much from the waste down mostly just a giant hand puppet lol.... the story is ALSO like a tales from the crypt ....you know im REALLY starting to think ... tales from the crypt people just loved this movie is what it was lol....

DO YOU LOVE monster films ? ... then watch this one .... do you love 80s monster flicks ....here you go ... do you love cheesy creature features that are just a solid fun movie???

8/10 ....